What the story of Pat Tillman means to me

The events of that evening still remain sketchy to say the least. What we do know for sure is that on April 22, 2004 one half of a split platoon came under fire in a mountainous region of Afghanistan called Sperah. Hearing this, the other half of the platoon opened retaliatory fire. What came next became one of the most infamous friendly-fire incidents in US history. Pat Tillman, the legendary linebacker from Arizona State was dead as well as an Afghani soldier standing nearby.


Football had almost always been a part of Tillman's life. Growing up in San Jose, California and attending Leland High School , he had lead the Chargers to a championship before receiving a scholarship to Arizona State.

At ASU Tillman's fame took off. He helped lead the Sun Devils to an undefeated season and a Rose Bowl appearance. In 1997 he was selected as the Pac-10 Defensive Player of the Year. He also earned numerous student athlete awards.

Then, in 1998 Tillman was selected 226th by the Arizona Cardinals where he changed his position to safety. He had an instant impact on the field, playing all 16 games his rookie season. During his short NFL career Tillman at one point turned down a multi-million dollar contract offer from the Rams out of loyalty to the Cardinals. He finished his NFL career with 238 tackles, 2.5 sacks, and three interceptions over 60 games.

Why am I writing this? I am not exactly one to revere dead soldiers. The way I look at it if you enlist in the military you know what you are getting into. To put it bluntly being killed is a job risk you are willing to accept. That's not to say I don't feel for those that are killed; However this country does have a tendency to place extra 'care' on fallen military "heroes". I guess that's ultimately what I'm getting at: Being killed in Afghanistan or Iraq, in my mind, doesn't make you any more of a "hero" than a cop that gets killed here, at home.

I am writing this as my own small way to keep alive the memory of the intentional cover up that was created to hide the reality of Tillman's death. That he wasn't killed in some valiant battle but that he was killed by his fellow soldiers in a giant cluster-fuck. I see comment after comment of people who can't understand why places like Sports Illustrated and ESPN are covering this a lot right now. It's quite simple. Because as Americans we love 10 year anniversaries of things, it is a topic that's heavily interwoven with football, and because of the murky details surrounding his death.

The cover up of Tillman, and the Afghan soldier's death began almost immediately after the trigger was pulled.

Tillman's death was known to have been caused by friendly fire within days of the incident. In a new report by ESPN, some in his unit knew it happened that very night. That Tillman's death came from three bullet wounds to the head initially caused some to think a soldier who had been manning a .50 caliber machine gun was responsible, but this theory was quickly rejected.

According to forensic reports the wounds likely came from 5.56 or 7.62 rounds. These bullets are typically used in M16 rifles among others.

Sgt. Greg Baker was the commanding officer that night and it is typical protocol that a trio of Army Rangers would have followed the commanding officers fire. However, even as of now the particular soldier who pulled the trigger that lead to Tillman's death is unknown.

Days after the incident Tillman's uniform and body armor was burned and vital x-rays of Tillman's head were not included in his autopsy report. From the before mentioned ESPN report:

"They should be able to figure out where the bullets came from, from the trajectory analysis, and whose weapon they came from, from microscopic ballistic comparison," said Baden, chief forensic pathologist for the New York State Police and a frequent consultant in high-profile murder cases. "The person who fired probably knows who he is. I think the supervisors know who the shooter or shooters were, but they're not releasing it."

Army Rangers have said in interviews that the whole platoon would share the blame of Tillman's death and that they should avoid placing blame on any one person.

Pat Tillman's family has been one of the key forces in searching for the truth of the incident. Kevin Tillman, Pat's brother enlisted in the Army alongside Pat and was present at the incident in Afghanistan that lead to his brother's death. According to reports Kevin rejected the idea that a Chaplain be present in Germany when Pat's remains were repatriated to the US. The rejection of religion is a common theme throughout the whole incident.

According to others Pat Tillman's beliefs ranged from Agnostic to outright Atheist, however Tillman still took a keen interest in religion having read the Bible, Koran, Book of Mormon and others. Tillman's youngest brother, Richard even went so far as to say the following at Pat's funeral in regards to statements made by Maria Shriver and John McCain:

"He's not with God, he's fucking dead. He's not religious."

Pat Tillman's "controversial" views with regards to religion haven't stopped there though. The Army officer who lead the first inquiry into Tillman's death, Lt. Col. Ralph Kauzlarich has said the Tillman family's repeated calls for further and more detailed investigations might be caused by their lack of Christian faith:

"When you die, I mean, there is supposedly a better life, right? Well, if you are an atheist and you don't believe in anything, if you die, what is there to go to? Nothing. You are worm dirt. So for their son to die for nothing, and now he is no more - that is pretty hard to get your head around that. So I don't know how an atheist thinks. I can only imagine that that would be pretty tough."

Kauzlarich went further when asked if Tillman's religous beliefs are a factor in the investigation which he said he believes is true saying to the effect that the Tillmans will never be satisfied with whatever answers the military finds.

I'm not trying to make this into a bash on religion but I do believe this fits into the narrative that Tillman did not fit into the mold of your everyday military hero. Tillman from the outset believed that the war in Iraq was an illegal war and was critical of President Bush. As Pat Tillman's true character began to emerge some were torn between wanting to condemn Tillman as anti-American while at the same time worshiping him as a fallen soldier. An interesting paradox to say the least.

Again, why am I writing this? Something about the story of Pat Tillman speaks to me. I am a huge fan of college football, obviously, and this is a story of a great player in the history of CFB. On another level I feel like Tillman is someone who I could very easily relate to. As a 5'11 supremely gifted athlete I also received a scholarship to play football at a D1 school and went on to a great NFL career. Perhaps it is the fact that I have not entirely made my own mind up about what I believe in but by the same token I am deeply interested in the idea of religion having read, or at least skimmed, over the same religious texts he did. Or maybe it is the relationship he had with his brothers which I feel is similar to that of my brother and I.

I am not in any way insinuating that me writing this will change anything or mean anything to anyone but myself. Half the information here is probably wrong and the other half I copied drew inspiration from that ESPN article. It's just an effort to explain why I personally care about the story Pat Tillman.