the fine art of the "i fucked up" press conference

"I don't always deny PED accusations but when I do I make sure it costs someone their job."

The summer of 2013 might go down as one of the most fun scandal ridden summers in years. Between Johhny Manziel's generous autograph signings, A-Rod and the Yankees, and Ryan Braun's well scripted "apology" there's been something going on just about every week.

Ryan Braun's apology is but the latest in a long line of sports athlete's being made to kneel at the altar of public opinion and beg for forgiveness.

Let's not mince words: Braun seems like the biggest shitheel since Lance Armstrong. From his initial press conferences denying the use to his infamous "I would bet on anything that means anything to me that that never entered my body" (paraphrasing), to his costing the sample collector his job (temporarily), to his blaming everything on his being Jewish, Braun has been, well a shitheel, along the way.

Braun's latest press conference really wasn't much of a press conference at all. He did not appear in front of cameras to read a statement, rather it was a prepared statement that was released to various news outlets. Many people have taken issue with this, and I agree. It just seems cowardly.

With how often these sort of press conference are called you'd think people might be a little better at them? Athletes pay PR firms thousands and thousands of dollars to tell them what to say and how to act and yet more often than not it seems like any time someone gets in front of cameras (or not) they end up making themselves seem worse.

In my opinion I think the best thing people can do is to appear human and to be genuinely sorry for whatever they did. Like in Braun's case he didn't seem sorry for what he did he was obviously sorry he got caught. I'm not even saying I believe people are ever sorry for what they did but it's important to at least look like you are.

Has A-Rod ever displayed anything remotely looking like a human reaction?

Obviously in these cases the biggest reason why they have to be so careful about they say is because there are lots of legal ramifications flying around. Like with Braun that sample collector is likely to sue any day now.

A lot of people like to use Tiger Woods' apology as an example of how it should be done. Most importantly he gives his speech in person and he even looks sincere. (Again whether or not he really is or just sorry he got caught is sort of besides the point).

A lot of practice went into this sad puffy face.

I guess it's sort of important to consider the motivation for people to issue these sort of press conferences to begin with. Really it all comes down to money. Whether it's for sponsors or fans or anything else money is the main driving factor. That's why I keep saying it's not even really that important if the person means it or not, you at least have to look like you do. "Random Corporate Sponsor" knows how people feel about you and if people are turned off by your inability to look sincere then there's probably not much reason to keep you around once people stop buying your jersey, tuning in to watch you, etc.

So this was really rambling and disjointed but I guess what I'm saying is it's kind of funny how the athletes don't want to apologize for whatever they did but they are forced to and then if you're forced to you better look like you mean it, (even though you don't).