CFB weekend preview #1

It's here.

It's finally fucking here and let's dive right in. This year we are going to try out a thing where Fany Pack picks a game every week. We were thinking of calling it Fany Pack's Picks, creative no?


Buffalo at #2 Ohio State

Wrong Buffalo?

The Bills Buffalo comes to Columbus to pick up their check for one million dollars. For Buffalo to have any chance they will need to take advantage of Ohio State's young defense. Which will probably be easier said than done... Yeah it'll be almost impossible. The other key is to pressure Braxton Miller but OSU's O-Line and Miller himself's athleticism should make that not be a problem.

Like every team this weekend I expect the Buckeyes to be a little slow as they get the rust off but I expect this game to be extremely lopsided and probably out of hand by the end of the first half with Buffalo getting some points once the second stringers come in.

Ohio State 56 - Buffalo 14

Rice at #7 Texas A&M

Wanna die this weekend? Take a drink every the announcers mention a certain someone being suspended for the first half of the game, NCAA investigations, autographs, being 20 years old or the word "inadvertent". You probably won't last 10 minutes.

Despite the loss of said certain someone this one should be little more than a scrimmage for A&M. Their offensive line should give whichever backup quarterback A&M decide to go with plenty of time to make good decisions.

By the time a certain someone does come into the game in the second half it should be well in the bag.

A&M 31 - Rice 10


#1 Alabama vs. Virginia Tech

The Crimson Fight is no doubt hungry to begin defense of the National Title trophy and what better way to whet their appetite than to sup on the tender flesh of a Hokie(sp). Phew. Anyway, this game really shouldn't give Alabama any trouble whatsoever. Alabama is better at pretty much every position. Quarterback? Yep. "Guy-who-has-been-there-forever-AJ-McCarron" will continue what he's known for his entire time at Alabama, being an extremely solid quarterback who can pass the ball really well and doesn't turn it over.

At running back is where it gets really interesting, or bad if you're at VT fan. The first three choices at the position for VT have had various calamaties befall them, similar to the Simpsons "Homer at the Bat".

They should have known better.

The one bright spot for VT is their quarterback Logan Thomas who could be a Heisman contender. But with a very limited cast to help him out his contributions will be mitigated. 

Oh, and that's all before even mentioning Alabama's defense which doesn't need to be mentioned... But I did anyway. 

(It's good.)

Alabama 45 - Virginia Tech 17

#5 Georgia at #8 Clemson

The premier game of the weekend features Georgia visiting Clemson. This should be a really exciting game to watch as both teams feature nationally recognized offenses lead by nationally recognized quarterbacks, especially Tajh Boyd. Aaron Murray on the other hand has had known struggles in the past in big games (he's only 3-11 against teams that finished the season in the top 25.)

That both teams are reloading a lot on defense further means this will be a high scoring game.

One thing Georgia has going for them is that Clemson defense did not fair well against the run last season so expect Georgia to hammer Clemson with star running back Todd Gurley.

This will probably be the closest of the games I pick this weekend (no wonder)...

I'm going to go out on a limb and pick the upset in this one. Georgia won't be able to get the dust off fast  enough and will be furthered by Murray's big game woes. Tajh Boyd will get this Heisman campaign off to a fast start by beating Georgia in front of a packed home crowd.

Clemson will be motivated and take a big step towards getting rid of that "pulling a Clemson thing".

Georgia 34 - Clemson 35

Central Michigan at No. 17 Michigan

- Fany Pack

This entry is less of a "Who will win" than a "Why they're going to win." Of course the Wolverines, coming into the season ranked 17th, will roll past the Chippewas. The game is at The Big House, and come on now, it's against Michigan vs. Central Michigan. Plus, Michigan is supposedly switching back to a more physical offense, which you know they'll want to test out on a weaker in-state team.

Like OSU's game, there's really only two reasons to watch this one: 1. Your favorite team happens to be Michigan or Central Michigan or 2. You're so starved for college football that you'll watch any game that's on. I'm in that second camp.

I'm calling it 45-10 Michigan, mostly because I think Brady Hoke will stop putting in anyone of note by the end of the first half, allowing for some points from the other side. Yay, football!

the fine art of the "i fucked up" press conference

"I don't always deny PED accusations but when I do I make sure it costs someone their job."

The summer of 2013 might go down as one of the most fun scandal ridden summers in years. Between Johhny Manziel's generous autograph signings, A-Rod and the Yankees, and Ryan Braun's well scripted "apology" there's been something going on just about every week.

Ryan Braun's apology is but the latest in a long line of sports athlete's being made to kneel at the altar of public opinion and beg for forgiveness.

Let's not mince words: Braun seems like the biggest shitheel since Lance Armstrong. From his initial press conferences denying the use to his infamous "I would bet on anything that means anything to me that that never entered my body" (paraphrasing), to his costing the sample collector his job (temporarily), to his blaming everything on his being Jewish, Braun has been, well a shitheel, along the way.

Braun's latest press conference really wasn't much of a press conference at all. He did not appear in front of cameras to read a statement, rather it was a prepared statement that was released to various news outlets. Many people have taken issue with this, and I agree. It just seems cowardly.

With how often these sort of press conference are called you'd think people might be a little better at them? Athletes pay PR firms thousands and thousands of dollars to tell them what to say and how to act and yet more often than not it seems like any time someone gets in front of cameras (or not) they end up making themselves seem worse.

In my opinion I think the best thing people can do is to appear human and to be genuinely sorry for whatever they did. Like in Braun's case he didn't seem sorry for what he did he was obviously sorry he got caught. I'm not even saying I believe people are ever sorry for what they did but it's important to at least look like you are.

Has A-Rod ever displayed anything remotely looking like a human reaction?

Obviously in these cases the biggest reason why they have to be so careful about they say is because there are lots of legal ramifications flying around. Like with Braun that sample collector is likely to sue any day now.

A lot of people like to use Tiger Woods' apology as an example of how it should be done. Most importantly he gives his speech in person and he even looks sincere. (Again whether or not he really is or just sorry he got caught is sort of besides the point).

A lot of practice went into this sad puffy face.

I guess it's sort of important to consider the motivation for people to issue these sort of press conferences to begin with. Really it all comes down to money. Whether it's for sponsors or fans or anything else money is the main driving factor. That's why I keep saying it's not even really that important if the person means it or not, you at least have to look like you do. "Random Corporate Sponsor" knows how people feel about you and if people are turned off by your inability to look sincere then there's probably not much reason to keep you around once people stop buying your jersey, tuning in to watch you, etc.

So this was really rambling and disjointed but I guess what I'm saying is it's kind of funny how the athletes don't want to apologize for whatever they did but they are forced to and then if you're forced to you better look like you mean it, (even though you don't).

Sanchez Update #189791865

Will 2013 be better mark Sanchez than 2012? No.

Sorry for the shit video but yeah. On his first series of the (pre)season Mark threw a pick 6. In case you haven't been paying attention to what's been going on so far the Jets drafted Geno Smith out of West Virginia and the bets are on as to whether he will be starting in the regular season. Many think the Jets' new offensive coordinator is basically waiting for an excuse to bench Sanchez for Smith, and really he shouldn't need to wait long.

scrimmages are getting more expensive

Original work, pls don't steal.

So, how much is it worth to pad your schedule? Apparently $3 million dollars as that's how much Ohio State is paying it's first three schedule padding scrimmages. (To be fair I think SDSU and FAMU are good teams).

The fighting Buffaloes get one million, SDSU gets $1.2 million and FAMU only gets a cool $900,000.

the off-season takes a field trip

You can see the stadium from miles away in the city.

I've been meaning to post this for a awhile but never got around to it because I've been busy I've been too lazy.

The gist of it is I had to go to Austin and like any college football fan I knew I had to take a trip the university to see the football shit.  Unfortunately 90% of the pictures I took I couldn't upload either because they're not interesting or because they're shit (I only had my iPhone).

I knew the university is in the city but I didn't realize it's in the city. Like it's just a mile from the capital building. I mean like Ohio State is in Columbus, obviously, but its not downtown. At least I wouldn't say it is.

That's really more of a burgundy.

The "Vince Young Pwn Zone".

I really wanted to get as close to the field as I could but unfortunately this was as close as I could get. The first thing I thought was it was so much smaller than I imagined it would be. The way football is filmed on TV gives it an illusion that it's a lot bigger than it is in real life. I thought, "I could throw the ball the field here no problem".

One of the few pictures that didn't have my gay reflection in it.

The other cool thing I got to do was tour their trophy museum annex thing. Basically just a building to show off their shiny things like Heismans, rings, and other gaudy stuff. 

As a football fan though it was really cool because it's some serious history. Like I said though almost all the pictures had my reflection in the glass. I paid special homage to the Colt McCoy altar since we go way back. And that 12 year old could really sling the ball.

stuff that is news but shouldn't be - NCAA supports terrorism?

The NCAA Elegibility Committee raises their flag over Middle Tennessee State.
 

The "Thing d'week" as far as the NCAA making itself look like shit was when they ruled that a True American Hero©, Steven Rhodes, couldn't play college football because he had played in a rec league while in the Marines.

Rhodes who served five years in the Corps, as well being a literal puppy dog, fireman, policeman, organ donor, senior citizen, Red Cross volunteer, Peace Corps volunteer, and occasionally taught inner city youth math and shit on the side was devastated to learn this news.

"All my life I had one dream", Rhodes said while performing CPR on an infant, "To play college football at Middle Tenessee State. Now I just feel robbed of my dream."

Public reaction to this news has been swift and severe.

Riots have been reported across the country as people across all walks of life and football conferences have taken to the streets.

"In the SEC we did away with "eligbility requirements along time ago."" One coach was reported as saying. "I would like to extend a scholarship to Steven Rhodes." "Come to my school and we will make sure you are taken care of the way a True American Hero© should be." Another was quoted as saying while rubbing his thumb to his fingers indicating a "money sign".

However in an unprecendeted move the NCAA has swiftly backtracked from its initial ruling and determined that Steven Rhodes could, in fact, play football.

"Additionally," NCAA vice president of academic and membership affairs Kevin Lennon said in a release, "he will maintain all four years of his eligibility."

While this news has been well received across the world  some still have questions regarding the NCAA's motivations.

"I can only think of one reason not to allow our glorious troops permission to play football". One man said on a porch somewhere. "I'm not saying the NCAA supports terrorism but you can put two and two together..."

MTSU for their part so far denied any evildoing:

"All this is strictly because of how the bylaw is worded," Simpson told The Daily News Journal. "In my opinion, there is no intent of anyone to not allow protection to our U.S. service members." 

So, while Steven Rhodes defuses a bomb in a Syrian playground and gets ready to take the field this fall it is no doubt a great victory for our fighting men and women. However some still question the nefarious deeds of the NCAA and its evil overlord Mark Emmert.

braxton miller now favorite to win the heisman

Place your bets now at your friendly neighborhood off-shore sports betting site.

Thanks in large all part to Johnny Manziel's off-season escapades, Braxton Miller is now the front runner for the Heisman.

According to the sports betting website bovada.lv, Miller is a 9/2 favorite while Manziel has fallen to 9th.

In order for Manziel to win and become only the second player to ever win two (in addition to being the first ever freshmen to win one) he will most likely need to have an unbelievable season and go undefeated, which seems like a long shot. Questions abound about whether A&M coach Kevin Sumlin should even play Manziel with the NCAA invesitagion(s) hanging over. In my opinion of course you play him. If you dont' you definitely lose that game agains Alabama but if you do you at least have a shot. But with the glacial pace that the NCAA moves at it could be November by the time anyone hears anything.

Manzie's "personal assistant" arranges another autograph signing at a Best Western hotel room.

Braxton Miller on the other hand faces a relatively easier task. With Ohio State's sort of soft schedule the Buckeyes look to be the odds on favorites to come out of the Big 10.

The rest of the rankings are as follows:

Braxton Miller (QB Ohio State) 9/2
Jadeveon Clowney (DE South Carolina) 6/1
Teddy Bridgewater (QB Louisville) 9/1
A.J. McCarron (QB Alabama) 10/1
Marcus Mariota (QB Oregon) 12/1
Aaron Murray (QB Georgia) 14/1
T.J. Yeldon (RB Alabama) 14/1
Tajh Boyd (QB Clemson) 14/1
Johnny Manziel (QB Texas A&M) 15/1
De’Anthony Thomas (RB Oregon) 16/1